truths and ideals (and the fallen in love)
by michellejjones
Summary: Her sentence is short, and simple, but she packs so much power and love and intelligence behind it, that N stops moving for a second. "Just because I raise Pokemon differently than you," Touko says slowly, "Doesn't mean I love them any less." She looks at him again, and N thinks that the battle, from here on up, is going to be a hard one. But maybe, just maybe, it will be worth it.


**Please note that I haven't played the Unova-based Pokemon games in a while, so I apologize for any timeline issues. Anyway, I hope you like it, and I hope you review!**

* * *

 **truths and ideals (and the fallen in love).**

 **by clarabella wandering.**

* * *

N has always considered himself a patient person.

He always considered himself capable of keeping his temper in check for long periods of time. Indeed, throughout his life there were never many things that caused him to lose his temper.

But when N meets Touko for the first time, he can feel the confidence in his patience slowly slipping away.

Because Touko is patient -Arceus, she's the most patient person N has ever met. When he meets her for the first time, alongside her blunette friend, he doesn't really notice the patience that lies in her heart. He's too busy speaking to her Pokemon, and arguing with Cheren. What he does notice is that, throughout the entirety of their first confrontation, she only says one sentence.

When N asks for their names, it is her blunette friend who says, "I'm Cheren, and this here is Touko." It is her blunette friend who argues with him, and Snivy who speaks for her.

Touko herself doesn't speak until N says something that makes her already-bright eyes shine just a bit brighter. He thinks, then, that maybe she's just been waiting for an opening. The patience behind her gaze throws him off; The silent wisdom throws him off even more. Her sentence is short, and simple, but she packs so much power and love and intelligence behind it, that N stops moving for a second, stops moving just long enough for Snivy to laugh haughtily before stalking back to his trainer.

"Just because I raise Pokemon differently than you," Touko says slowly, eye contact never wavering, "Does not mean I love them any less."

N's jaw drops, processing her words and then processing her voice: It's pretty.

She bows her head at him, ever-respectful, and goes back to being silent. After a brief pause, the argument between he and Cheren -with the occasional snide comment from Snivy- resumes. When the confrontation is over, it's like Touko has never even spoken, and N almost forgets her words.

Almost, but not quite.

* * *

"Ghetsis, who is this?" N asks, idly tracing a finger over the picture he's looking at. The woman has light blond hair and clear green eyes. Her lips are spread into an elegant smile.

Ghetsis looks at the photo and stops. His hands come to rest on the table, abandoning the papers he'd been filling out. After a moment, he speaks. "That is your mother, when she was younger," the man looks older, somehow. A bit more frail. N briefly wonders why. "My wife."

"What is a wife?" N asks, confused.

"A wife," Ghetsis begins, "Is someone you love so much that you vow to spend the rest of your life with them. A wife is part of a marriage. She is the woman-half. The husband is the man-half."

"Love?" N asks, "Like how I love my sisters? Is that marriage? Am I married to my sisters?"

Ghetsis shakes his head, "No. It's a different kind of love. There are many different types of love, Natural. There is _eros, storge, agape,_ and _philia."_

"What?" N asks, "I don't understand."

Ghetsis turns back to his papers, but continues to speak to N. _"Agape_ is an unconditional love that sees beyond the surface and accepts the recipient for whom he or she is," Ghetsis explains. "It's how Arceus loves us, and how we strive to love other people and Pokemon. _Philia_ is an affectionate, warm, tender, platonic love. It's the type of love friends have between each other, like you and Emolga. _Storge_ is the way we love our family, the way parents naturally love their children, or the way siblings naturally love one another, like you and your sisters."

"What about the last one?" N asks. _"Eros."_

He breaths out. Finishing his papers, Ghetsis stands and strides over to the fax machine sitting in the corner. _"Eros_ is a very passionate and intense type of love. It can either be the starting point for an _Agape_ love between you and a very special person, a love that will never ever die, where you'll always want to be with that person, in many different ways." Ghetsis clears his throat, "Or _Eros_ can be the downfall of a relationship, if only one person feels those intense feelings. _Eros_ can be very confusing."

N nods, "... I see." After a moment, he speaks again: "Ghetsis?"

"Yes, Natural?"

"Do you think I will ever _Eros_ anybody?"

Ghetsis shrugs. "I do."

"Do you think somebody could _Eros_ me back?"

He pauses.

"I don't know."

* * *

He thinks of that conversation again when he's standing on the Ferris Wheel with her, speaking, and speaking, and speaking. His monologue is so long, that the conversation only comes back to him when they've reached a pause in his speech.

And she's still there, listening.

He wants to ask her why she hasn't left yet, why she isn't interrupting him left and right and correcting his askew-thoughts. But he bites his tongue, because N thinks he already knows why.

Her eyes are bright with an intelligence he's never seen before, and they watch him knowingly. He's never said these thoughts of his out loud to anyone before, and he thinks that maybe Touko knows this. As for her not interrupting him, well, she has nothing to say. So she just doesn't speak.

Her hands are tucked into her short's pockets, but one comes up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ears. It is then that N notices that she has a large head of hair, one to rival his mane. Though hers is brown, that does not make it less beautiful. It curls at the end of its long ponytail. She pulls down on her cap, and then lets her arm hang loosely by her side.

Touko, N realizes, is a pretty girl, with her long brown hair, and long pale legs, and angular face. Her best features, he thinks, are her eyes.

She looks at him again, that knowing gaze still resting in her brown irises, and N thinks that the battle, from here on up, is going to be a long and hard one.

* * *

Servine never changes, not really. He sees the Pokemon wandering through the streets, a list of things in it's hand, and strides towards it. It gives him a wary, egotistical look, before allowing N to ask, "What do you have there?"

" _It's a list of medicine, for Touko."_

"For Touko?" N says, a shadow of disapproval clouding his features. "Why didn't she come and get it herself?"

Servine straightens, but doesn't stop walking. _"Pansear,"_ it explains, _"Is sick. Very, very sick. Touko can't leave her alone. That would be irresponsible, considering Pansear is still very young. So, Touko sent me."_

"She trusts you this much?" N asks.

" _Maybe she can't talk to us, like you can,"_ Servine begins, letting N open the door for him before he slips into the PokeMart, _"But she can understand us. That's something you can't do."_

He leaves N behind, and walks right up to the attendant, handing him the list with a haughty gaze landing on N's face. "Hey, man," The employee says, "This your Servine?"

"What?" N asks, snapping out of his daze, "N-no. It's... um..." He struggles to find the word he wants to use. "It's my rival's," N finally says. The word is new on his tongue; He's never used it before, but Touko, he supposes, is a rival to him if he's ever had one. "Her Pokemon is really sick, so she sent Servine to pick up some medicine for her. I just happened to be heading this way."

"Ah," The employee nods, "Well, maybe she should bring her Pokemon to Nurse Joy, then? If it's that sick, I mean."

Servine immediately shakes his head, _"Pansear's terrified of Centers."_

"It's afraid of Pokemon Centers." N explains.

"Oh. Well," the man turns towards Servine, "Sorry, but your Trainer didn't give you any money, so I can't give you the stuff you want. Come back with some cash, okay?"

Servine's jaw drops, and for a moment it looks prepared to fight, but it backs off, instead opting to give the man an indignant _sniff_ before turning around. N stops him, "No, wait," he says, "I'll pay for it."

The employee looks surprised, but nonetheless hands over the items and takes N's money. Halfway out the door, the employee whistles, and says, "Must be some rival."

N doesn't hesitate.

"She is."

* * *

" _Leave Touko alone."_

Herdier is like the mother of the group, N thinks, as he stumbles backwards from the surprising statement she's just made. Earlier, Herdier had been tending to Pansear while Touko prepared the medicine, but now, Herdier is seated in front of N, with Servine and Sewaddle as well. "What?" N asks, surprised. He had been making the group dinner.

" _You heard her,"_ Servine agrees, poking N in the chest with a vine, _"Our Trainer isn't interested."_

" _Guys..."_ Sewaddle says quietly, _"Stop it."_

" _No!"_ Herdier says, _"Touko's too dense about these things. She won't realize what's happening until the last minute, so we need to handle this for her." Herdier turns to N, "Look. You like Touko. Touko likes you. But it can never happen."_

N pushes the information aside, instead asking, "Why?"

" _Because you are the prince of a very bad organization,"_ Servine plainly explains. _"And Touko is the hero destined to bring you down."_

"We're not bad!" N argues. "And Touko will not defeat us!"

" _Yes you are."_ Herdier disagrees _._

" _You will be defeated."_ Servine says again.

" _Tell me, Mr. N,"_ Sewaddle begins, _"In the entirety of your time with Team Plasma, have you ever stopped to ask a Pokemon, straight out, if they enjoy battling? Or have you just assumed otherwise? Until you finally asked Servine, did you just blindly gallivant about, assuming things?"_

N's mouth opens, ready to brashly reply -his patience has run out. But suddenly, Touko is there. She lays a hand on his, as if reading the situation. Her look -to both him, and her Pokemon- speaks volumes. No more arguing tonight.

"Pansear is feeling better," Touko says.

It's all she says, but the timing is perfect, and it is enough.

* * *

"Touko?" N asks, not looking at her. His sleeping bag it situated next to hers, but his eyes are trained on the stars. "Are you awake?"

He hears a rustling to his left, where she is. Turning his head, he sees Touko looking at him with bleary eyes. He must have woken her. "I'm sorry," N immediately apologizes, "I didn't mean to wake you. Just go back to sleep."

But Touko doesn't go back to sleep. Instead, she rolls onto her side, resting her elbow on the soft grass, and then resting her chin on her open palm, gazing at him.

The look in her eyes brings a blush to his cheeks, and he's thankful for the cover of darkness. But even through the darkness, he can see she's pushing him, prompting him to tell her what's on his mind. "Pansear was underheated, wasn't she?" Slowly, Touko nods, a look of sadness crossing her features. N says, "Will... will she really be okay?"

Touko doesn't say anything for a long while. Her eyes drift over to where Pansear is lying beside her, covered by all of Touko's heated blankets. Her skin is pale, not the healthy brown color that Pansear should be. The redness of her fur is dull, and matted in some places.

Touko looks back at N, and there is such deep pain and sadness in her gaze that N thinks he might cry. Touko's hands are shaking. He reaches out to grab them, and holds them firmly in his. "Touko?" He asks.

She finally speaks.

"I don't know, N." Touko says. The pain she has been so desperately trying to hide from the others comes crashing through, and she begins to cry. "I just don't know."

* * *

He tears through the street with a ferocity, Touko not far behind. The Pokemon Center is illuminated in the wee hours of the morning, and he sprints in. "Nurse Joy!" He calls. "Nurse Joy!"

There are tired trainers sitting on nearby tables, heads buried in books. One looks up, prepared to shush him, when she notes the crazed look in his eyes. She shrinks back. N notices this, but shoves the reaction away, instead putting his focus on the pink-haired woman approaching him. "C-can I help you?" Nurse Joy asks.

By this time, Touko has caught up to him. In her arms is her Pokemon. Pansear's quiet, but her sunken eyes and pale, clammy skin speaks volumes. "Help Pansear," N says, his voice pleading. His heart aches for this poor Pokemon, feels like it might just be torn in half. "Please."

Nurse Joy wastes no time. She takes Pansear from Touko and gestures for them to follow. Servine, Herdier, and Sewaddle trail behind them, conversing nervously amongst themselves. "Is this Pansear yours?" Nurse Joy asks N.

"No, it's Touko's," N corrects, gesturing towards the tired brunette walking alongside him.

"Audino!" Nurse Joy calls. The Pokemon waddles in, a surprised look washing over its face upon seeing Pansear lying on on a table. "Give this young lady the emergency forms." Audino immediately stalks off. Nurse Joy then turns to the small party that has formed around Pansear. "Unless you are Pansear's trainer, I need you to leave. Immediately."

Sewaddle begins to cry, and says, _"Please be okay,"_ before Touko picks up the little bug type and holds her to her chest tightly. Servine casts one last, long look at Pansear before he and Herdier let themselves out. Herdier whimpers, and looks back at Pansear twice before leaving.

Touko silently holds Sewaddle out to N, and Sewaddle warily situates herself in N's arms. _"Pansear,"_ Sewaddle murmurs, still inconsolable. She keeps saying that, over and over, even after she and N have left the room.

Touko stands, alone, with her young Pokemon. It suddenly cracks an eye open, and lets out a weak, "Pansear, pan, sear pan."

She doesn't need N to translate for her. She already knows what the Fire-type wants.

" _Mommy, don't leave me."_

Touko tilts her head. The message is clear.

 _Never._

* * *

Her hand shakes as she attempts to fill out the forms.

 **Trainer's Name:** _Touko Hilda Niavella. **  
**_ **Trainer's Age:** _Fifteen. **  
**_ **Trainer's Mailing Address:** _152 Miniccino Dr., Nuvema Town, Unova, 09876.  
_ **Trainer's Xtranceiver Number:** _4657.  
_ **Pokemon Needing Emergency Care:** _Pansear. **  
**_ **Pokemon Type:** _Fire. **  
**_ **Pokemon Age:** _Five. **  
**_ **Pokemon Level:** _Eighteen. **  
**_ **Medications Taken by Pokemon:** _None. **  
**_ **Past Illnesses:** _Minor cold, food poisoning. **  
**_ **The CFPC Association asks you to sign below to ensure that you will not file any lawsuit against the CFPC or the CFPC's certified nurses should the ill Pokemon pass away in one of our facilities.  
** **Sign here:** _T. H. Niavella._

By the time she has finished and handed the forms to Nurse Joy so that she can begin working on Pansear, the Fire-type's condition has considerably worsened. Touko sinks further into her corner, watching Nurse Joy work. After a while, Nurse Joy turns towards Touko. "The situation is worse than I thought," the woman says, "I need to perform an emergency surgery. I'm sorry, but you need to leave."

Touko can't bring herself to stand as Pansear cries out painfully, "Pan sear pan!"

 _Don't go! I don't like this place!_

She has no intention of leaving, none whatsoever, and the look on her face is enough for Nurse Joy to see that. "Please, miss, you have to."

She's not budging. There are tears in her eyes and she's bruised and battered from running with Pansear in her arms through the strong winds, but she's not moving. It's then that Servine comes back in with N in tow, and they see the scene before them.

Swiftly, Servine hooks his vines around Touko and hauls her out of the room. She begins to scream, to kick, to hurt him, but he keeps on pushing. Pansear is crying, too, her little eyes sunken. She lifts two tiny fists to wipe the tears, and writhes in pain at her movements. But Touko is gone, now, and Nurse Joy immediately moves to get to work, fixing an anesthetic for the Pokemon. Pansear is crying out something that she can't undestand. But Audino can.

Audino cringes.

The little Pansear is deathly afraid of them.

* * *

Touko is crying by N. Sewaddle is in her lap, comforting her. Herdier is rubbing her head against Touko's long legs, soothing the Trainer. Servine himself, is seated between N and Touko. After a long while, Servine speaks.

" _Touko hatched Pansear, from an egg."_ Servine glances at his ailing trainer, a sad look on his face. He wishes he could comfort her, but this has never been his strong-suit. For all he prides himself in, personal assurances are not one of them. So instead,he continues on with his explanation. _"Touko was the first living thing Pansear saw, and from that moment, she was like a mother to her. Pansear refers to Touko as 'mommy' all the time, and I think Touko knows that."_

N nods, but doesn't say anything.

" _Pansear is afraid of Centers because one time, while we were here for us to be healed, she was severely mistreated. She associates all Centers with that memory, all Nurse Joys and Audinos with it."_ Servine shakes his head, _"We've tried explaining things to her multiple times, but it never gets through."_

The green-haired teen glances at Servine, a look of understanding dawning on his features. "Do you think she'll be okay?"

Servine doesn't answer. Instead, he lets Touko reach out to grasp him, lets her pull him to her and hug him close, one hand still wrapped around Sewaddle. She looks at N pleadingly, motions with her head that he come nearer. He does, and reaches down to pet Herdier, who peers at him with a guarded expression but allows him to scratch her behind the ears.

They stay like that, each of them silent. Thinking.

* * *

"Se, wad, el se!" Sewaddle says, as Touko lays her down on the bed, between Heder and Snivy. _"I don't want to go to sleep!"_

Touko doesn't answer, just looks at Sewaddle for a while. She understands: Who would want to sleep when their best friend is so very sick? But Sewaddle is still young, too (she's seven), and needs her sleep. Already, her eyes are beginning to droop from the comforting warmth the bed brings.

"Der, herd, ded her." Herdier returns, before standing, shaking herself off, twirling around in a circle, and lying back down. _"Then just close your eyes for a bit."_

Servine himself is quiet, looking out the window with a far-away look in his eyes. He notices Touko watching him and does his best to smile. "Servine vine."

Touko nods, and then shuts off the lights before leaving them to sleep.

" _She'll be fine."_

* * *

"I brought you something to eat," N says. "Soup."

Touko takes the soup, but doesn't eat it. N sighs, "Touko, you need to eat."

She doesn't move. Instead, she asks, "Why are you still here?"

The question strikes a cord in him, because he honestly doesn't know why he's still here himself. Finally, N says, "I want to make sure Pansear is okay."

Touko raises a brow at him. It's obvious she doesn't believe him. N shifts, uncomfortable. "I wanted to make sure you were okay, too."

Slowly, Touko reaches into her pocket and takes out her wallet. She hands him some money, forces him to accept it. Then she takes the soup. "Well," Touko says, "I'm pretty strong. And Pansear will be fine, so you can go."

N gapes at her, "But, Touko-"

"It's for the best," Her voice is just a bit softer, but no less beautiful. "Just go."

She won't look at him anymore, just sips her soup, back straight, eyes strangely empty. Finally, N stands. "Okay," he says. "I'll go. Just let me know how Pansear turns out, okay?"

Touko nods, falling back into the silence she's comfortable with. She watches him leave. When he's gone, she gets up and throws the soup away. Her hands are shaking. Sitting back in the chair in the waiting room she had been occupying, she folds into it, trying to make herself as small as possible. Touko begins to cry, but shakily types in the number to call her mother.

Sometimes, she wishes she never left home.

* * *

"Touko Niavella?" Nurse Joy asks, approaching the teen who is watching her with tired eyes. It's about seven in the morning. Her Pokemon are still asleep.

Touko nods, and stands, immediately alert.

"Your Pokemon is a five-year-old female Pansear, is that correct?" Touko notices that Nurse Joy isn't looking at her, but rather above her, and that her voice is void of the happy emotion that usually filters through her voice.

A stone drops into Touko's belly, weighing her down. But again, she nods.

Nurse Joy finally looks at her. "I'm very sorry, Ms. Niavella," Nurse Joy begins, "But your Pansear is in a very grave condition. I would advise you to get your other Pokemon and say goodbye to her." She pauses, before adding, "Now."

* * *

" _Mommy? What's wrong?"_ Pansear asks, weakly reaching up to grasp Touko's fingers. She does, and her little hands wrap around Touko's bigger ones. Touko bites back her tears, instead picking Pansear up, very carefully, and sitting her in her lap. _"Why do you look so sad?"_

" _Don't worry 'bout her,"_ Herdier quickly jumps in, _"She's just upset because N left, and because you're feeling bad. Nothing more."_

" _Yeah,"_ Servine agrees. _"And Sewaddle has a headache."_

Sewaddle, who is siting to Pansear's left, attempting not to cry but failing miserably, nods. _"A really bad one that won't go away."_

 _"That's kinda how I feel,"_ Pansear says. Her voice quiets a bit, _"But Andy says I'm really sick."_

Servine perks up, _"Andy?"_

" _That's Audino's name,"_ Pansear explains. _"Andy says that I have a big, bad, bug in me that some Fire-types sometimes get, and that it's really, really hard to make the bug go away. He says it's a evil bug, but that they are trying hard to get the bug out, and I just need to be real tough."_ Pansear pauses, _"That's what Andy says, anyway."_

" _Well, Andy's right."_ Sewaddle says, _"You better fight!"_

Touko strokes the top of Pansear's head, and she leans back against Touko. _"Yeah. I want Mommy to stop being sad about me. I don't think I can do anything 'bout N, though."_

 _"None of us can,"_ Herdier agrees. She pokes Pansear, _"But just make sure you're okay, alright?"_

Pansear nods, smiling. Suddenly, she begins to cough, and squirms. _"Ow! Ow! Mommy, Mommy, it hurts!"_

Touko immediately lays a soothing hand on Pansear's head, where she was told the bug is located. Her touch calms Pansear considerably, but the pain she is feeling is still obvious. _"It hurts..."_

" _Oh, sweetheart,"_ Herdier says, nuzzling Pansear. _"I love you, precious thing."_

" _I love you, too!"_ Pansear exclaims. _"I love all of you!"_

Servine swallows thickly. _"We'll always remember you, kid."_ He steps back, with Herdier, waiting for Sewaddle.

" _Pansesar?"_ Sewaddle says, getting Pansear's attention. _"You're my best friend, forever. No matter what happens. Okay?"_

She nods, _"Forever! It's a deal."_

They hug each other, before Sewaddle jumps off the bed, straight into Servine's arms. He winces, but accepts her anyway, picking her up an carrying her off with him and Herdier, to the lobby. _"We love you!"_ They call before leaving. They can't say goodbye, so instead, they say, _"See you later."_

 _"See you!"_ Pansear calls back. When they are gone, Touko's arms wrap around Pansear, squeezing a bit tighter.

"Pansear..." Touko begins, before breaking out into tears. She struggles to regain composure, but eventually does. "Pansear, I want you to know that you are very special to me, okay? I need you to know that, and I need you to know I love you so much, more than you know. I love all of you very much. So much, that if I could, I would trade places with you right now, and I would take all the pain you would ever feel in your life and carry it myself. I love you, okay? I love all of you. You are all my best friends. You are all my family, and I will never forget you." She starts to cry again, hugging Pansear closer to her.

The innocent, small Pokemon looks at Touko questioningly, but nods. She doesn't understand why everyone is acting like something bad is about to happen, until Pansear coughs again, and blood comes up. Touko winces. Pansear is about to reply when a sudden shock courses through her body, and she begins to shake all over. "Nurse Joy!" Touko calls out, frantic. She lays Pansear on the bed, _"Nurse Joy!"_ She screams.

The Nurse runs in, sees Pansear on the bed, and immediately knows what's happening. "Cardiac arrest," Nurse Joy says to Audino.

They attempt, to no avail, to stop what's happening, but by the time it's over, it is too late. Sweat lines Pansear's thin, frail face. Touko slowly approaches. "Pansear?" Touko asks.

" _Mommy,"_ Pansear says, reaching out to grab Touko's fingers. She squeezes, and Touko squeezes back, kissing Pansear's forehead, her tears falling on the little Pokemon. The Fire-types voice is sickeningly weak when she says her final words: _"Mommy. I love you."_

Her eyes close, her life leaves her, and Touko falls on her knees.

For the first time in her life, Touko doesn't want to be silent anymore.

So, instead, she screams.

* * *

Munna is a new addition to Touko's team, N notices, when they battle the next time they meet. There is a steely look in Touko's gaze, a determined expression that suits her. It's always been there, N absentmindedly thinks as he asks Blitzle to use Thunder Bolt, which he does.

After the battle (it's one Touko wins, like she always does, for reasons N's still not completely sure about), N approaches Touko. She watches him warily, and looks guilty for a reason he doesn't understand. "How are you?" He asks.

She nods. It's her "okay", and he takes it. "Let me heal your Pokemon."

She hands him her Pokeballs: It's something he's done for her in the past, so the gesture doesn't come as a shock to her. Once the job is done, he says, "Could I see them? Out of battle, I mean."

Nodding, Touko releases Munna, Servine, Swadloon, and Herdier. N bends down so that he's eye-level with Munna. "Hello!" He says, "I'm N, Touko's rival. What's your name?"

" _Manny,"_ Munna answers _. "Nice'ta meetcha."_

N grins, "Likewise." He turns to Swadloon, "And you evolved! That's great!"

Swadloon shyly smiles, _"Touko and I trained super hard. It was worth it."_

"I'm sure," N returns. He stands, squinting, confusion crossing her features. Touko's heart sinks, because here it comes, the question she doesn't want to answer. "Where is Pansear?"

Munna, who is fairly new to their family, asks, _"Pansear?"_

Herdier shoots Munna a warning glance, _"Later, Manny."_

Touko looks down at her feet and swallows, before looking at N with pained eyes.

He staggers back. "You can't be serious."

"N," Touko says her words slowly, for fear the wounds she had carefully stitched would come undone, ruining her progress in grieving for her baby Pokemon. "N, Pansear..." She swallows again, "Pansear didn't make it."

Instead of yelling at her _("Trainer brutality! This is your fault! You are a horrible Trainer!"),_ of saying the things she's been told a thousand times over when she tells people that one of her Pokemon died (like what Bianca's father said; That memory still hurts her), N simply reaches out and pulls her into something that she is rusty in, and he, too: A hug.

It's hesitant and clumsy, but it's much needed for both of them. They stay like that for a long time, in the middle of the city, people running by, circling them to avoid them. Servine rolls his eyes, _"I don't have time for this,"_ he says, before tapping his Pokeball and stepping inside.

Swadloon giggles, following Servine's actions. Herdier is left with Munna. She turns to him and says, _"Let me tell you about the cutest Fire-type you ever did see."_

And she does.

* * *

She takes him to Celestial Tower just before dawn, when the lights from the candles stationed all around the tower are just dimming, when the sky is slowly lightening, and in that barely-there darkness, N thinks that Touko is beautiful.

Her Pokemon opted to stay outside, standing guard, and she let them, so it is just her and him with his Pokemon, trekking through the tower until they get to the top, where the newer graves are situated. She sits heavily before the newest one. He sits next to her.

"She called you _mommy,"_ N blurts out.

To his surprise, Touko doesn't react. "I know."

And he shouldn't be shocked that she already knew (maybe she can't speak to Pokemon, but she's the most understanding person towards people and Pokemon that he's ever met), but he is. She always surprises him, always leaves his jaw hanging.

They sit in silence, until, without warning, Touko leans heavily against him. He quickly adjusts to her sudden weight against his chest, but accepts the warmth she gives him. His chin comes to rest on top of her dark hair, and she leans further into him. "I would have died for her, for any of my Pokemon." Touko speaks the words quietly, like this revelation is nothing new, like it's something anybody would be willing to do.

The conversation with Ghetsis replays itself in N's mind, and he thinks that if the world could come to love in _half_ the way that Touko does, then the world would be very good, indeed.

His hand reaches out to take hers, and they sit by the graveside of a baby Pokemon, each of them silent, each of them mourning, each of them thinking.

And each of them, loving.

* * *

Servine's nature, N thinks, as he watches him argue with Herdier, is definitely a Serious one. His main characteristic is that he is very vain. Herdier herself has a Bold Nature, her main characteristic being that she's very strong willed, which is why the two Pokemon often clash. They are both very near to their next evolutions; Swadloon herself has already evolved into Leavanny. It was easy for her, N supposes. Swadloon evolves into Leavanny when it has a high friendship with its Trainer. Touko knows no other way to raise her Pokemon than with friendship and hard work. Leavanny has always had a Timid Nature, as well as being very alert to sounds.

Munna -or Manny, whichever you call him- has an Impish Nature. He's very mischievous, always getting himself into trouble; And dragging Leavanny with him. He himself could evolve at any time; He just doesn't feel ready. Or, at least, that's what he's told N (in much more colorful wording).

Axew is the newest member of Touko's team. Currently, the Bashful Natured Tusk Pokemon is dancing to a song that Leavanny is playing, clowning around; That is his strongest characteristic, after all: He's somewhat of a clown.

N takes in all these things while he helps Touko lay out the food for her Pokemon. After they eat, and nap for a bit, she has promised his a battle. She needs to train more for her next badge, after all, and he does, too. "What will your next Pokemon be?" N asks, attempting to fill the silence.

Touko stills, but after a moment, she does answer. "This is it. I'll complete the Dex, but no more Pokemon on my Travel Team. This is it."

He cranes a brow at her; what she's saying doesn't make any sense, especially when one considers the fact that she will be attempting to challenge the Elite Four and Champion Alder; Five Pokemon is _almost_ suicide.

But then he sees the empty Pokeball resting in a pocket in her bag, and he understands.

Some persons are worth remembering.

* * *

The Plasma grunts by his side attempt to shield him from her, but he shoves them aside. "Prince N!" One cries, but he ignores them. "Prince N, the intruder -she's dangerous! Come back!"

He moves forward, until he sees her, battling one of his father's higher-ups, one of _his_ higher-ups. He's stuck, glued to his spot, as he watches Stoutland barrel through the opposing Pokemon. It faints, and Stoutland stands, victorious.

She sees him, and her eyes narrow. She says, "Land stout, lan lan stoutland."

" _Didn't I warn you? Months ago?"_

She's right, he did. And Serperior did, too. But he didn't believe them -he didn't listen. And now, here she is, here is Touko, fighting Team Plasma _-his_ Team Plasma- and winning. He didn't expect this to happen, didn't expect her to actually go through with fighting them. He thought he could convince her to join him.

He supposes she thought the same of him, judging by how she's looking at him.

They stare at each other, for a long, long time, before she returns Stoutland to her Pokeball.

The conversation with Ghetsis resurfaces, but this time, the memory is sour.

Something clicks in N's heart, pieces come together until he realizes that the Pokemon were right about more than one thing.

But something breaks, too, and N can't help but be terrified that maybe, this time, he and Touko won't be able to fix it.

* * *

All they do these days is look at each other with guarded eyes.

Serperior watches them silently, watches them dance almost as well as he can, with Stoutland by his side. Fraxure, Munna, and Leavanny stand next to the two eldest Pokemon, watching the stand-off with confusion. _"I don't get it,"_ Fraxure finally says. _"Why don't they just kiss?"_

Munna glares at Fraxure, _"You idiot,"_ he says, _"They can't."_

" _Well, why not?"_ Fraxure challenges.

It's Leavanny who speaks up next, _"Because they finally saw the bigger picture."_

" _But it's too late,"_ Stoutland adds, _"The damage is done. They love each other, and look, they're both hurting because they are trying so hard to not love each other."_

" _Humans're stupid,"_ Munna says.

" _Manny!"_ Stoutland chides, _"Don't say things like that. You know Touko is smart, N too."_

" _Not 'bout love,"_ Munna says, _"They're really stupid 'bout love."_

" _I agree,"_ Serperior finally speaks up, _"They are really stupid about love. I've known Touko longer than any of you, and by extent, N, too." He sighs, "I feel bad for them."_

They watch as N finally speaks to Touko, his voice fighting to sound carefree, not quite succeeding. He tells her about Plasma's plans, about his plans, and about why she's on the wrong team. She, as always, listens, but unlike the other times, her eyes never come up to meet his.

" _Me too,"_ Stoutland says.

" _Me too,"_ Leavanny agrees.

" _Me, too."_ Fraxure sighs. _"And I'm hungry."_

Munna tilts his head. _"I think I wanna evolve."_

The other Pokemon groan.

* * *

Sitting on the steps of his home, he watches the sky turn a dusty pink with a silence that doesn't so much burn as numb him.

N has always considered himself patient. Really, he has. But when he thinks of Touko -which happens more and more everyday- he can't help but want to resort to violence -something that N is unashamedly, unreservedly against. She's really done a number on him.

It's Anthea who comes to sit on his left, joining him in watching the dusty pink turn into a light orange. Concordia joins soon after. She hands each of them an Oran berry. The sweetness of it has always revived N's spirits, but not this evening. This evening, it does nothing but serve as a simple, bitter reminder of when he took Manny out to search for the berry, when Touko wasn't feeling well. So very long ago now.

"I warned you," Concordia finally says. "I warned you as soon as you told me about her."

"We both did," Anthea adds. "And you said that her own _Pokemon_ warned you, too."

Concordia swings her hair behind a shoulder, "So now the question is, why didn't you listen?"

N is silent.

"Natural,"Anthea prods, using his full name. "You can't keep this locked up. We are your sisters."

"Tell us," Concordia agrees.

"Ghetsis told me, a long while ago, that there were five different types of love." N begins, speaking slowly, trying to catch his thoughts and paint them into words he could speak, edit them into something that made an inkling of sense, "The two that I remember the most, though, are _eros_ and _agape. Eros_ is the beginning of the type of love married couples have for each other, the type of love that, if nurtured correctly, grows into _agape. Agape_ is the most powerful, most beautiful type of love. For some it can be romantic, for others it can be platonic, like for the three of us, or us with Pokemon."

"Okay," Anthea says, "But what does this have to do with anything?"

"I would have never fallen into _eros_ with Touko if it hadn't been for one thing," the green-haired teen states. "She loves her Pokemon -loves the _world-_ with the strongest, most beautiful form of _agape_ that I've ever seen, and yet she still sees things in so differently than me, calls the things she sees the _truths,_ while I, she claims, live in a world of _ideals..."_ He trails off, before shaking his head, "And yet, I fell into _eros,_ became completely and utterly entranced with her. And now that I've realized how stupid I've been, I can't do anything about it."

His sisters don't say anything for a while, until Concordia quietly says, "Fallen in love."

"What?" N asks, confused.

"You don't have to say _fallen in eros,"_ Concordia expands on her statement, "It makes more sense to say _fallen in love._ It means so much more than the other thing. It means that you _agape_ her, and _eros_ her, and _philia_ her, and so much more than anyone could possibly fathom. You've fallen in love with her."

Anthea smiles at him, "Ideals, hm?"

He nods.

"Well," Anthea speaks slowly, "If you live in ideals, then create one more: A world where you and Touko can be together, even if you are so drastically different."

His sisters smile, rest a comforting hand on his shoulder, before standing and leaving him.

The sky is a blood red by now.

Sitting on the steps of his home, he watches the sun set across the sleepy plain, three words dancing across his tongue. "Fallen in love," He says, testing the words.

They taste bitter and sad on his tongue.

(But they taste happy, and hopeful, too. He hopes the pros outweigh the cons.)

* * *

He sees her again once more, before their final showdown. She's sitting quietly (always quiet, but so very alive), no Pokemon by her. He briefly wonders where they are, and decides to find out.

"How are you?" N asks her, smiling.

Touko's eyes widen in surprise, and perhaps shock (nervousness? Happiness?) at his approach, but she gives him a tilt of her hand. _So-so_ is her answer, then.

"Where are your Pokemon?"

The question strikes a chord in her. She shrinks into her seat.

They are at a Pokemon Center. He had stopped by for a quick meal (visits had been more frequent since Pansear), but his intents has sunk upon seeing Touko.

She looks almost the same: Long, thick brown hair in a high ponytail, roaming this way and that, tucked through the strings of her cap. Wisps of hair frame her face, making it look fragile. Sturdy, knowledgeable, intelligent brown eyes watch him with a wary gaze. She's reading him, N realizes, reading the situation. He realizes that she'd expected him to know why she was there, and that he doesn't is a surprise to her.

"All my Pokemon are severely injured," Touko quietly says. "Haxorus and Serperior especially."

N reels back, her shrunken, tired demeanor clicking, her solemn eyes striking a chord in him. "What?" He asks, alarmed, sitting down carelessly next to her. "How?"

"Oh, N," Touko says. She looks ready to cry, but composes herself, "N, don't you realize what's happening around you? Are you so wrapped up in your visions and dangerous ideals that you don't see what monstrosities have occurred just to help you achieve them? Don't you know," she says, now desperate for his attention, desperate for him to _understand._ She grasps his hands, pulling him close, so close that he can see just how brown her eyes are, can see the blue that floats in them. "That you are being _brainwashed,_ fed garbage from a man that doesn't even care about Pokemon, but about power? Don't you see?"

She's never spoken this much at once, and while N can't help but think her voice is so, so beautiful, he also can't help be very confused, and perhaps a little offended. "What?" He asks, "Touko, what's going on?"

"N," Touko says again, "N, I am _in love with you."_ The admission causes his jaw to drop, and both their cheeks heat up, but neither pulls away, and she continues, "And that isn't some grand revelation, isn't something I've only recently figured out, I've known since you hugged me after I told you Pansear was dead, and I couldn't tell you exactly when I started, but I do know I don't want to stop, don't know if I _can_ stop." She leans closer, "I just know I have to. Nothing can ever become of this. Of _us."_

N is now thoroughly confused, and it shows in his expression. _"Why?"_ He asks.

"You want to know why I am here?" Touko asks, voice dropping to a stage whisper. "I'm here because I stumbled across a bunch of your Plasma grunts hurting not just _people,_ but _Pokemon_ in the forest today, and my team immediately jumped out of their Pokeballs to help. I didn't have to ask them, didn't have to call them out, they just came, because they were so _appalled_ at the sight before them. N, two people were dead, and a Pokemon was dying." She's shaking, and so is he.

"We had to do something, so Serperior and Haxorus teamed up, and Musharna, Leavanny, and Stoutland teamed up. I left Haxorus and Serperior on their own, because they were the more confident battlers. It was a mistake. Leavanny got burned very badly, Musharna got pummeled over and over. Stoutland hauled them back to the Pokemon Center, and took some more Pokemon with her, and, oh, Arceus...

"Stoutland could barely manage it all. And then Serperior and Haxorus... they took down almost all the grunts, but a couple got away. By then, Haxorus was half-frozen, Serperior had been paralyzed, I had to... I had to..." She rubs her wrist, which, N notices for the first time, is wrapped in a bandage. Her neck, he sees, has stitches. "I ran. I ran fast, and hard, and didn't stop, for anything. The police are at the scene now. The people that Plasma had been terrorizing got out during my battle, but the dead ones, and the severely injured Pokemon..."

N is still, watching her. He hasn't completely absorbed her words, doesn't really want to. So, instead, he reaches out to touch her stitches. "I'm sorry," He says, sincerely, ready to cry with her. "I'm so very sorry."

He stands, kisses her forehead, and then turns to walk away. "I hope that your Pokemon are okay."

She's staring at him with a sad, though not surprised, expression. She had expected this, deep within her: N loves Ghetsis, loves his ideals, and not even her stark truths could sway him. No, if N is to be swayed, he would first need to _see_ Plasma's damage for himself. And that will, more likely than not, never happen.

So instead, Touko nods, looks at her hands, sinks back into her chair, takes out an Oran berry and bites into it, trying to remember that sweet taste, but it fades too quickly.

Far too quickly.

N stops suddenly, turns around, makes eye contact, and for a second, she thinks that maybe, just maybe, he'll stay. Instead, though, he sighs.

"I'm in love with you, Touko." He says. "I'm in love with you."

And just like that, he is gone.

* * *

" _I'm okay, geez,"_ Haxorus grimaces, as Touko hugs him tightly. _"But your hug really, really hurts."_

As if sensing the Axe Jaw Pokemon's pain, Touko pulls away, casting him a sympathetic glance. Per usual, she says nothing, just smiles, showing her happiness at seeing him. She motions towards the door, and Haxorus immediately smells the food she's prepared for him, especially for Dragon-types. He grins, pulls a face, and heads out the door.

Nurse Joy releases Stoutland next, and she walks towards Touko, nuzzling her Trainer. Her Trainer, in turns, bends down to her knees and nuzzles into Stoutland. She is the first Pokemon Touko ever caught, and so the bond between them -and Serperior- is strong. Seeing that she is okay gives Touko a lot of hope, which she makes sure to show. After a long while of enjoying each other's company, Nurse Joy releases Musharna, who floats idly over to them.

" _My turn,"_ Musharna says, _almost sneering._

Stoutland narrows her eyes at him, but says nothing. Instead, she licks Touko's face and follows the smell of food, out the door.

Musharna floats right up to Touko, until their faces are touching. There, Touko sees exactly what Musharna wants her to see: Musharna diving in front of injured people, saving them, getting hit by a Flamethrower, and then getting kicked, over and over. Touko is about to begin crying -Musharna doesn't forgive her, it's all her fault, all her fault- but then she sees something else: Musharna smiling up at her, a smile on his face.

And just like that, she knows that Musharna wants her to tell that story to everyone, wants the tale of his brave battle and amazing feats to be told everywhere around Unova. She nods, and he nudges her, grateful. Forgiven.

He floats out the door.

Leavanny comes out next, hugging her, letting her know she's okay. The youngest Pokemon in the group, the baby of the family they've created, Touko is still hesitant about letting Leavanny out into battle, but Leavanny's face is more willful than ever, more ready to take on the world and battles than before.

She slips out the door, following Musharna, and for a long time, there is nobody.

And then Nurse Joy brings Serperior out. His beautiful skin is burned severely in some places, covered by an ointment which seems to sooth him. His tale is bandaged, but his head stands tall as he slides through the Center. All the other Pokemon had their bruises and cuts, but Serperios is by far the worst, and that perhaps hurts the most: She couldn't even protect her own starter Pokemon, the Pokemon that knows her the best, her best friend.

Touko thinks that he might just nod at her; Serperior has always been a proud Pokemon with a Serious Nature, but to her surprise, he slips right into her arms, and she, though surprised, quickly returns the embrace.

" _Arceus, Touko, we really need to work on our five-way battle plans."_

She doesn't know exactly what he's said, but she can guess, and returns his sentence with a, "Yeah, yeah, but I'm glad you're okay."

He studies her for a long time, before noticing the sad, sad, almost heartbroken look in her gaze. _"Mew, he came, didn't he? N came. And you guys... talked."_

Touko rolls her eyes, and, slinging an arm around her best friend, walks into the room where her other Pokemon are. She's very sad, and knows Serperios has picked up on it, but she doesn't want to talk about it right now. She tells him so, and then adds, "Still think you're invincible?"

He laughs, _"Never said I did, Touko. Now, you, on the other hand..."_

She pushes him, and as they join the rest of their family, Serperior thinks that maybe, just maybe, Touko will be okay.

Touko, on the other hand, doesn't.

* * *

They stand on opposite sides of the field, two powerful Pokemon by their sides, a pained, obvious love clouding each of their eyes.

And when the battle is over, N sees.

He finally, finally, _finally_ sees.

It almost kills her.

The way the light goes out behind his eyes, the way he looks so suddenly dejected, empty. She wants to fix it so desperately, but knows she can't. Her Pokemon -the newest one included- stand next to her, watching the scene unfold.

When it is over, the green-haired N turns to her. "Touko... I'm sorry." The words are not empty, but full of so many things, because he's sorry for so much. "For everything. I'm sorry for not seeing, for not accepting, for not properly..." He swallows thickly. "For not properly loving you."

Zekrom and Reshiram, who have been watching with confusion, now look equally surprised. They exchange wary glances before focusing their attention back on the green haired teen and the brunette girl who stand a short distance away from each other.

Touko tilts her head, wipes a tear that has settled onto the corner of her eye. Waits for him to continue, because she knows he will. N always does.

He takes another step towards her, and she, almost without thinking, does the same. Her Pokemon watch her, silently. N's own Pokemon stand a short distance away, a soft look etched into their faces. "And I am hoping you won't hate me for clinging to one last, futile ideal." She, in turn, watches him, expression turning guarded until he walks up to her, closing the gap between them. His hand reaches for hers, and she lets it. "That maybe, many years from now, once I've found myself and once you've traveled to your heart's content, we may be together, and love each other."

She blinks.

And then, she looks up at him, with those large, brown eyes, full of wisdom and intelligence and something else, something that makes N's heart leap: Love. And Touko Hilda Niavella _smiles._

At _him._

N's free hand cups her face, traces the side of her jaw. He leans in until their foreheads touch.

" _Do you think,"_ Musharna says slowly, watching them from afar, _"That they'll kiss?"_

Their noses touch now, and all the while, they smile at each other, soft smiles that relax their features,that make them look _alive._

 _"Undoubtedly,"_ Serperior answers.

And sure enough, they do. Their lips touch, their entire body tingling at the act, and when they pull away, N comes to rest his head at the crook of her right shoulder, nose touching her collarbone. Touko cradles him in her arms, kisses the top of his head. "I have to go," He mumbles. "I have to find something. I love you."

Touko pulls away. She looks at him, right in the eye, before motioning for Zekrom and Reshiram to join them. She returns the rest of her Pokemon, climbs aboard the beautiful Deep Black Pokemon, and says, in that beautiful voice that N would never forget _(never):_

"I know you do." Touko's eyes sparkle. "I love you too."

And, so, maybe he is patient, N thinks as he boards Reshiram, eyes still locked to Touko's. But she is so much more patient than he, has always been patient, especially towards him, is _still being_ patient. Their Pokemon flap their wings, lifting themselves into the air, and with a last, loud roar, they go their separate ways.

N feels a change in the wind. It whispers of hope, and of happiness, but most of all, it whispers of _love._

And as he pictures Touko's face in his mind, as he heads off to find something (himself), he thinks that, yes, the pros _do_ outweigh the cons.

* * *

 **Thoughts?**


End file.
